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20 July 2028 @ 05:09 pm


Made by pandanparfait

I'm not adding any new friends unless I know you from Colors because that's the only reason I use this journal.

Thank you to toledan_night for the awesome layout!

*If I have icons and forgot to credit you please tell me nicely, I shall do so. I have so many I tend to forget where they all come from. >.<

Current Mood: busybusy
29 August 2023 @ 03:17 pm
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Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
29 August 2022 @ 03:09 pm
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Current Mood: chipperchipper
07 January 2018 @ 07:37 pm
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26 November 2017 @ 11:32 am
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04 March 2013 @ 10:00 am


* Back from Hiatus
* Made level blue, purple, brown & gray - 1 brown, 2 grey, 1 orange crayons; Mysterious 17, Dice 03, Knave 15; Runner 11, Spain 13, Obsession 06; Bishi 10, Uaa 03, Mafia Boss 06; Underwear 20, Ice Beam 18, Mortician 04
*  Traded amusement07/12 for goodluck 20, single 03 with achuu
* Traded deny04, eyepatch09, haughty 13, recruit 04 and shujin18 for Archery 12, Cabbage 18, Hawk Eyes 12, No Heart 19, Sickly 13 with chianna
* Pick a Color 55! - Obsession 16 (second time I asked for this card by mistake, first time was Advent Calendar Day 25)
Go Fish! round 114  - Noble 10
* Guess the Color - round 115 - Music Boxes 09, Kind 04
* Host Club Giveaway - round 58  - Forecaster 06, Stupid 09
* Switch it up 60!  - Brush 02 for Nose 13 in the normal pile
* Pick a Color 56! - Petals 12, jintan 09, marionette 16, Steak 01, Shadows 06
* Pokeradar 113  - Isolated 20, solid script 15

276 trades~


* News for January - Tsubasa 16, Revival 16, Dominance 16, Engokuki 16, Snake Sword 16, Intention 16, Cleric 16, Talented 16, Regina 16


Traded with cruxis nonary11, shattered16, regina16, and foxhound03 for cousin11, revenge19, powder08, and archer02
News for March: Restoration 03, Pure Heart 03, Hamelin 16, Frozen 07, Pickpocket 05, Serenade 16, Banchou 16, Lively 04, Nurturing 19. Thank you!

NEWS--Okashira 06, Colony 19, Systems 07, Limiters 13, Converted 20, Eyesight 15, Bassist 17, Hamlet 19, and x-scissor 13
Host Club Giveaway - round 67 - Ability 12, Drei 18, Temper 13
Switch it up 68--Bodyguard 12 for Sensible 09 from the blue deck/Extreme 16 for Egotistical 13 from the yellow deck
Art Shop--7 sketchpad trades for--dandelion09, slave 08, protect 05, merciless15, delete 19, Broom 13, Insurance 04, Knit 20, Damsel 12, Ring 12, ambitious16, Hero King 09, Sweet 12, kunst20/ 2 red, 1 brown, 1 orange, 1 grey, 2 green crayons
Workaholic 15 for Ghost 19 via netbug009
Noble 10 for German 18 via gargantsurprise
Dice 03, Flame King 08/17 for Blastia 06, Lorelei 06, Oracle 02 via mongoosehwrs

Pick a Color 70! *SEPCIAL ROUND - 1 purple, 1 green crayon; Madness 16, Glory 18, Emotion 09
Recycled Art: Insomnia 06/12; Mafia Boss: 08/10/11/19; Obsession 10; Sickly 06; Workaholic 05/12
Switch it up 69: Diligent 03 for Dee 15; Damsel 12 for Heal 15; Lucky 08 for Excluded 18

1 green crayon for blue and Gardener02 and Puppeteer15 for Steak06 and SeaSalt06 via hamamure
cleric16, engokuki16, kusarigama04, snakesword16 for Experiments 06, German 02, Insomnia 09, Drugs 05 via baredick
Badges13, Bills03, Destined20, Gambler10, Music Boxes09, and Wrestler16 for Amusement 13, Colonel 20, Boxer 05, Womanizer 03/18, Valentines 07 with
ability12, apprentice14, bassist17 for DNA 13, Flask 18, Kaleido Star 07 with netbug009

Traded: colony19, talented16 and x-scissor13 for castle14, archery02 and junes04 via gargantsurprise
Switch It Up 69 - Samurai 05 for Villains 02

Scrapbook theme poll  - odyssey01, Fish 17, greathorn11
Traded ussocom09, ussocom11, irontail13, and icebeam18 for exsphere20, Kid 03, Kodama 07/08 via jessiss

Art Shop -- 3 green crayons, 10 red, 2 blue, 3 purple for the following:
Mafia Boss 07/13/17
Piercings 05/07/09/11/14/15/16/17/19/20
Obsession 17/19
Mortician 08/10/20
Plus Bomb 16, Maou 03

Release -  Ten Swords 19, high entia 05, heropon 09, Jet 10, Origin 20, balbadd 18, Starling 20, fanalis 12 and venoshock 17//Dee 17, Workaholic 11

Traded converted20 and eyesight15 for energetic01 and littlepuppy05 via gargantsurprise
Pick a Color 71 - Cure March 17, umbrella15, Excellent 07
Mastered Knave, Obsession, Piercings, Mafia Boss, Mortician: 1 orange, 1 grey, 2 blue, and 1 brown crayons; hadome20, Home 20, Obsession 08, tortured15, Oblivion 17, Insomnia 02, lumberjack06, seiyuu04, Insomnia 03, cipher20, grapes18, Insomnia 04, kazoku04, Torment, 05, Insomnia 05

***309 trades current

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Current Mood: awakeawake
20 September 2012 @ 01:06 pm

Haven't done this for a while, but got a lot going on in my head.

The most recent stuff is Nan Desu Kan this last weekend! :D

I had an amazing time with some awesome people. Seriously it was like night and day hanging out with them vs the friends who cut me out of their life. I had this revelation of how selfish an ex-friend was, of how little they cared for me and how everything was pretty much centered around her and her frickin "feelings" as if her feelings became like a person or something and had to be pampered.

This weekend I had friends with me who I could joke around with, be myself and they loved and accepted me as I was.

Oh and bought way too much crap we don't need. Including a SHANKS FIGURE, this awesome Lelouche figure. I also got the Suzaka matching figure that goes with that. :D Snagged some sweet Sheryl Nome figures, Ichigo from Bleach; Sebastian Kuroshitsuji gloves, and a Persona 4 headphones set. They're orange and they actually can be plugged into your iphone or ipod and work. .___.

I grabbed the last one! 

Yes I'm seriously addicted to One Piece now. I'm adding Sanji to my list of husbands. <3

My buds watched my back, waited up for me (because I'm a slow walker) and when I was carrying things, they offered to carry them for me over and over again.

I had this memory of one con with said "ex-friend" where they got jealous and angry over me winning stuff in a raffle. They took off without me in the hotel hallways and left me behind. She was with another friend and they pretty much shunned me and treated me like crap. It pushed a button in me because I've had friends in my childhood do that. But the fact was they were being pissed at my good fortune. Seriously that was a sign I should have picked up on of what kind of people I was hanging around. -_- The room you guys took off after and left me behind for was paid by me by the way.

I was thinking about that and how my new friends were treating me and shaking my head. How could I have let such a selfish  person into my life like that? I also was recalling a time when this "friend" was sick with cramps at another convention. I braved the downtown streets of Seattle alone to find them midol and brought back like 5 or 6 different types of pain medicine. Talking about $20+ worth here. Instead of being grateful they complained that the one she uses I didn't get.

Seriously, why did I stay with someone like that?

Someone who over a disagreement of beliefs would cut me out of their life? Its not like we had some fight, but in her head she thought we did. The truth is I didn't say what she wanted me to say, I didn't believe what she wanted me to believe and she couldn't handle that. That said "person" would forget all I've done for them because they were butt-hurt that I believed differently than them. Have they ever heard of agree to disagree? THAT'S A PART OF LIFE. We all come in contact with people with different beliefs and we have to learn to get along without taking it so personally. Only an immature child would get hurt when someone doesn't agree with their beliefs. How can I believe in something that I don't believe exists? I am not gonna lie to you and say I do to just make you happy, but apparently that's what she wants.

On a side note, treating me like some villain they need to block out of my life. I don't get that when I haven't really talked to her in over a year and when I do text or write its checking in on them to see how they are doing. I try to take care of my friends even when they don't do the same.

Also did "ex-friend" forget I spent thousands of dollars on her buying her stuff? Or that at every con we went to, I covered hotel, food and transportation? I bought her so much crap because I loved her and wanted to spoil her. How does that make me "against her" when my actions speak louder than words? Or when she cried over friends shunning her I was there for her. Friends who she now is chasing after wanting to be with. *shrugs* Don't get the mind of some people, its like almost laughable at how silly it all is.

Its not that I can't get along with her because of her beliefs, its just she was a crappy friend. A lazy friend who didn't even want to try. She made it up in her mind after abandoning me for over a year that we couldn't get along. Yes that's what happened. Things were too much for her and she abandoned me. After a year of not even talking to each other because SHE BAILED. I nearly chased her down for a year trying to keep in touch but she acted like she didn't give a damn. She made it up in her own brain without even trying or getting a hold of me and working things out. Her lazy attitude just didn't want to try. THIS is the kind of nasty, self-centered person who only cared about her feelings and NEVER ONCE considered my feelings in the matter, that I let close to me.

But now seeing all this I refuse to be around her because of how she treats people and how self-centered she is. NOT because of what she thinks she is or identifies as. She could think she's a cat or bird for all I care and it wouldn't change my love for her. I'd still treat her the same as everyone else. I told her this in my last email to her. That I couldn't allow her back into my life unless SHE TRIES and puts some effort into her friendships. It won't be easy for her after what she's selfishly put me through. (I don't let people walk all over me, I can still forgive them, but I refuse to be used).  Until she grows up a little and stops making everything to be about her feelings 24/7. That other people HAVE FEELINGS. That friendships just aren't all about her and what she gets out of it. It takes two people, and this decision she made up for the both of us should have involved TWO DECISIONS, not just hers alone.

She wasn't even a friend, she was only in it for herself. And its almost ridiculous that fair-weathered friends was a fear of hers and yet she became what she hates the most. I stayed her friend for FOUR+ years knowing her beliefs were different than mine, and I treated her like a sister, like my own flesh and blood.

The sad thing is she made her decision. She made the bed and has to lie in it. You reap what you sow. You get what you give back and sadly I feel sorry for her because the friendships she thinks she has will not last. This decision she made against me, who did no wrong to her will be on her conscious for the rest of her life while I go on being happy. When you do shitty things to people, you can't erase that from your mind. It will haunt you until you ask for forgiveness.

I do wish her the best, I do, but the thing is I'm badly hurt and angry still. The pain can only turn into anger, but as far as that goes I refuse to dwell on those emotions and let them rule my life. One day they will go away and she will just be a memory of "that mean girl" who was once in my life. One day it will go away, but she will have to live with knowing that she hurt me on purpose because of her selfishness.

I still am healing from this, and yes forgiveness will come when my heart has healed, but I believe everything happens for a reason and that God allowed this terrible thing to happen to me because He knew she wasn't good for me. It was for my good that she was taken out of my life and new friends came and replaced her. Yeah I was hurt over it, but I want to continue to see the good even in a bad situation. I'm thankful she showed her true colors because it woke me up and told me I needed to stay away from her. That she wasn't a good person to be around.

My newest best friend Amanda came into my life like a week before all this, so God knew ahead of time I'd need someone loyal and caring. When this happen Amanda dropped everything and came over to my house. I collapsed into her arms crying and she pretty much stayed with me the entire day for my sake. I was able to talk to Kai a little, her support helped a lot. All my true friends were super supportive during all this, I love you all.

I think getting all this out was a long time coming. So I can stop being hurt and move on. I had to mourn her lost because it was like she died to me. That's how much pain she caused me. She pretty much committed suicide out of my life. Grim way of putting it, but I need to see it like that so I can move on.
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
02 August 2012 @ 09:52 am
So thankful for the friends in my life who take the time to care for me, even if its a simple text to see if I'm okay. I talked to Kai yesterday because I was hurting pretty bad and just thanked her for always checking up on me. When the fires hit Colorado she checked to see if I was okay. When the shooting happened in Aurora she got in touch with me since she knows I like to go to midnight showings of movies. So just thankful to have someone even though we don't always see eye-to-eye on every issue is a good friend. Someone who thinks of others.

God really blessed me with three great friends here in Colorado. My newest best friend is Amanda who is probably the most loyal friend I've ever had. After she left the house yesterday I sent her a text crying, telling her I really need a friend right now. She dropped everything to pray for me even though she had a headache. And upon waking she told me I was instantly on her mind and she was worried about me. So I feel completely blessed that even though God closed some doors in my friendships, He opened even better ones.

This is what real friendship is. Friends who really care and love you will tell you what you NEED to hear, never what you usually want to hear. They will do the hard things for your sake, even though you may never see the bigger picture of it yet. A real friend won't just tickle ears and will stay your friend even when times get tough. I'm really glad for the hardships, because those that have come my way, the pain people have caused me showed me that those I surrounded myself with were not true friends. They were fair-weathered. They only stayed around for the good times and laughs and when it really counted...they just cut me off. Because I suppose having me in their lives wasn't a benefit to them anymore. But friendship doesn't seek its own--true friends seek the good of one another and not just themselves.

So yes I'm thankful. God knew long before my suffering that I'd need these people in my lives, those loyal and caring. Who actually take the time to see what's happening in my life and I'm doing well. If a friend isn't doing even these simple little things then they aren't a good friend and probably not good in your life.
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
29 August 2011 @ 02:21 pm


Yoho~ Lazuli here. If you've happened upon this page and wish to join, please say Lazuli referred you! '3'


***Players can still post trades with me here at LiveJournal or on my Dreamwidth account for the time being...

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful